Monday, July 8, 2013

We see our better selves in the eyes of those who love us

How well do we really know ourselves? Sometimes, no matter how skinny, good looking, rich, smart, and strong we are, we still have that moment when our insecurities start creeping in our veins. Once that happens, we sit down and sulk, and then we seem to be fatter, a bit dull and boring, unsatisfied with the things that we have, inferior, and weak than we truly are. We are only as good as we imagine and think ourselves to be, and sometimes, we can only see how nice and great we are in the eyes of the ones we love.

While reading Cassandra Clare’s Clockwork Prince, I stumbled on this excerpt: “While he lived and they were friends, Yu Boya wrote some of the greatest music that we know. Would he have been able to do that alone? Our hearts, they need a mirror, Tessa. We see our better selves in the eyes of those who love us. And there is a beauty that brevity alone provides.” This is James Carstairs words to Tessa Gray, and this is one of my favorite lines that I came across in a book. In times when we are just by ourselves, with no friends and fun around, we tend to belittle ourselves and underestimate what we truly can do, and we forget how beautiful and capable we are when we start our reveries.

We are not as bad as we think we are. In our parents’ eyes, we will always be beautiful and will always be a source of their joy. In our siblings’ eyes, we might be the most annoying creature that exists, but to them, we will always be the best friend they asked God for. In our other half’s eyes, we will always be the loveliest person that brings them with so much happiness, and we will always be the reason why they choose to be good. In the eyes of the ones we love, we will always be enough. In the eyes of the ones we love, we will always be the best person that we can be. For the ones that we love, we will always want to be our better selves. For the ones we love, we become the person we never thought we can be – a person full of love, greatness, compassion, and wisdom.

We always have a choice to be the best version of ourselves – and most of the time, we achieve that through the help of the people we love, people who encourage and love us unconditionally. J
"We see our better selves in the eyes of those who love us." - James Carstairs

Sometimes, we are not as bad as we think we are, or how others see and think of us. Sometimes, people who love us are the ones who know us most - the ones who see the goodness in us. -- KMP

"Why do you love me?"

“Do you love me?” when we, girls, ask this question and get a yes from our other half, most of the time we have our “Why do you love me?” follow up questions. Does it really matter? Of course it does matter, big time. But why do we ask this question from them – what’s really our reason?

 I always ask this question to my boyfriend and he would always answer me with “I love you because you love me” and yes, I never was satisfied with that answer because it’s so plain and dull (hahaha). Then, I start asking myself – what do I want hear for an answer? Do I want “I love you because you are the most understanding person I’ve ever met” or “I love you because you are so charming and pretty” or “I love because you always make me laugh” or “I love you because you know me so well” answers. Well, I really don’t know.

One time, my friend and I had a discussion about this and she said that she asks the same question to her boyfriend, and we came to realize that girls ask this question because, somehow, we are secretly hoping to be appreciated by them – fishing for compliments. Hahaha, funny but it’s actually true. Most of us have this need to be appreciated, to be praised, to be noticed, and to be admired, and we try to get those compliments by asking our other halves over and over again – “Why do you love me?”

It hit me. I don’t really want an “I love you because you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever laid eyes on, because you’re smart and funny, because you understand and know me so well” answer. Because what happens if I’m no longer pretty in his eyes, or I grow dull and slow, or if I fail to understand him and he suddenly becomes a stranger to me? I want my boyfriend’s “I love you because you love me” because I know I’ll love him for the longest time – and with that and with his answer, then I know his love for me will last as long as it takes. J

I love you because I have so much love to give
 and because you love me, too. :)